Frances turned 5

Francey turned 5 on July 18.  She wanted a snow white barbie cake, so her Nanny Bev and I made her one with the pampered chef mixing bowl.  She was so excited, she thought it was so pretty!!  She celebrated in AR with lots of family and friends giving her a gift every time we stayed at a new place!  She enjoys playing horses and rodeo with her sister and game night with her brothers.  She has learned to go underwater over the summer and loves to swim.

"grey"

(picture taken 2-10-12)

Journal entry 5-12-12

 My heart is broken, broken, broken! You took our new baby in my womb at 16 weeks. Taking the kids to see the heartbeat on Wednesday was suppose to be exciting for them.  I had just seen it flipping and flopping around with a good strong heart beat 4 weeks earlier.  Exciting for them to see that little beat on a black and white screen, exciting to not now what sex that little miracle in me was. However, there was not a beat in the room, but the lump dropping from my throat. It was one of the hardest moments in my life looking over at Freda and telling her You had taken our baby home. Telling her there is no baby with life in momma anymore. I will never forget that picture of a curled spinal cord, with it's legs and arms tucked in. She cried and cried broken, her little heart broken too. It was so exhausting thinking I no longer had a living miracle in me. The loss feels like an immediate death. I argue with You knowing I know what my children are, how they all have the same blond hair and blue eyes. Tell me today what was different with this little miracle, tell me today what you were saving him from? I search for comfort in the scriptures of Your words: Job 26:6 I will cling to my righteousness and never let it go. My conscience will not accuse me as long as I live! My mind wants to accuse me and tell me what went wrong, what happened, but I know You have a glorious plan that trumps all in every walk of life. We found out it was a little boy developed just as he would've been at 16 weeks. Then I'm drawn to Psalms 139:15-16 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. God I ask that you show Grey how much love we have for him, but I know that Your love for him is so much GREATER that this love here on earth. As I finished Job this morning (that's what I've been studying over the last month, no coincidence I don't think) that Job understood that no plan of His can be thwarted and Job's eyes had seen Him, the Almighty. God goes on to restore Job and as I read over that last chapter, re freshness filled my soul, re freshness of knowing in time through His plan I will be restored. Then I talked to a dear, dear friend and the happiness in her voice, the things that are taking place in her life sounded restored. She is being restored, through what once seemed so unrestorable. My eyes filled with tears of joy talking to her, tears of happiness and triumph. Just as trumpet's sounded when new ones are welcomed to there everlasting home in the sky, they sound again , when over time our soul restores to see His glorious plan.
(we named him grey because we only knew him in black and white)

GOOD

We are doing good here!!!!Yes the kids are counting down till daddy is home and anticipating the SURPRISES he is bringing them home. He has the camera so, I don't have any pictures. We skype him in the mornings which is his night and our night, which is his morning. He is really happy, missing us, and wishing he could bring us there? He already has some amazing God stories, He has been going to the International church in Shanghai, and has had a couple waitresses ask him what he is praying about over his meals. God is using him! However bedtime comes around 6:30 and lots of undone housework, lots of sewing getting done and way to many kids eat free night excuses for me:)))

Come to Me

Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come. Jeremiah 33:3

This verse was in one of my daily readings on prayer a few weeks ago. I begin thanking God for all the tears, torn apart hearts, and fervent prayer over the last few months. How we had continually asked Him what He wanted from us and the direction for our family. God answered us just like He answered Jeremiah. We laid aside our worry, and humbled and willfully were ready for Him to answer. Answer He did! Shortly before Christmas all the doors begin shutting on what Nathan thought was God's will for our family. I in all honesty was not having Peace about decisions, but was willing to submit to the call Nathan was having from the Lord. We were both seeking so diligently wanting the answer. It was not my responsibility to change Nathan's heart because mine was broken, God asks me to follow Him because Nathan is my husband and leader of our home. The Lord laid on my heart how He knows us completely (I Corth 13:12)and that He knows what Nathan and I need in our individual relationships with Him. We made a list of things together that we were believing God to answer if this was the direction He was calling our family (the direction Nathan had on his heart). The list(doors)begin closing one by one. Two days to be exact after the last door closed, the answer came....Nathan got an email at work asking him to come to China for 30 days to work! No hesitation we knew this was God. About a year ago we had looked into him maybe going over there but was told there where no opportunities like that anymore. God knew there would be, and He waited for His timing on our life. Like I said early we are humbled at this opportunity for Nathan and the Peace we have had throughout his preparation for this trip. Every one's first statements have been about the kids and I. I have said: "When you are walking in peace with your Holy Father and His will for your life whether scary, sacrificial, or a little pit in your stomach. You can have No Fear, because I cannot fear what He has already orchestrated." Ex specially when He was telling me secrets of something different, secrets of another plan for our family. So has we drove to the airport at 4:30 this morning we were able to tell the kids all the prayers that have been and are happening as Nathan spends 30 days in a Tyson Plant in China. How mom and dad prayed for dads discernment in decision making for our family and this is the mission HE sent him on the next month. I will do my best to keep you updated, but we are not going to get to talk to Nathan as often as we hoped. The Lord already knew that too, that's why He put on my heart for the kids to each draw him 30 days worth of pictures; that we put in a book and myself to make him 30 cards, one to open everyday. God is so,so good even when I don't deserve His love. I close with this verse:
It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. Psalm 18:32

Freda at 6

Freda had a great little birthday. We took cupcakes to school and celebrated! Her birthday dinner request was BBQ ribs, sweet green beans, salad, crescent rolls, and Ice Cream Cake! She got a few more things of LaLaloopsy dolls to add to her collection from Christmas. She is becoming so sweet and a hard little worker. Her teacher says she will ask her if there is anymore work she can do for when she is finished with an assignment:)

Christmas 2011

We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas here in Kentucky for 2011. We did all the wonderful Christmas traditions Nathan and I force on our children. Baking Goodies for the neighbors, Advent Calendar(S), celebrating the Birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. My camera broke during this holiday season and I did get Christmas cards printed off, however they were really fuzzy as you can tell below, so Nathan decided against them going out. One of my friends told me she couldn't pray for my family if she didn't have a Christmas card (since they pull one every night at dinner) so I sent her one. Here are a few pictures from Christmas. My friend Angie and her family came out for a few days before Christmas and it was so nice to hang out with them, however her little girl fell from the ladder of the girls bunk beds and broke her elbow, aw it broke our hearts.

Gabriel 2nd Birthday

Gabriel turned 2 yesterday! He had a wonderful day with lots of friends. The Fanchers and Murphys came over to celebrate. He loves Elmo right now so we had Elmo cupcakes, and Elmo juices. We had so much fun watching him open his presents. He his starting to talk a lot. He loves watching football and playing with his brother and sisters.

Change

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

I have to say this journey Nathan and I have been on the last 2 months have been heart wrenching. It sounds so cliche to say those words when no one is dying, ill, or a tragic event has taken place to any of our immediate family. However when God is calling you to die to oneself it is as if your heart is being ripped out from under your chest. My hearts desire has been to have more children over the last year waiting eagerly to announce the news that another Henry would join our family. Over this last year I have waited patiently and not so patiently on His timing for this. Me having the conceived notion that I've gotten 4 blessings pretty easily. Eagerly, Patiently waiting....waiting while God was stirring our hearts in other areas of our lives. Stirring for me to teach my children, Stirring for me to give our children a world vision, Stirring for Nathan to have a call of ministry, Stirring for us to be missionaries overseas....Stirring for us to have a God Family vision....Stirring..Asking God what does this look like for our family. Taking some steps, seeking wise counsel, asking God what does it look like?
We came home (Arkansas) for a short fall break visit in early October eagerly to announce #5 was on the way!! We left late one afternoon, so we were driving through the night, when I said "let's start thinking of baby names, since it takes us forever and with a few even a day or so after they are born." Nathan was all for this. He said "OK next name we can read on the back of a semi will be our name." You know what I'm thinking "o great, driving to AR in the middle of MO it's gonna be Tyson"! Well we drive alittle bit and all of sudden there it is on the back of a semi, the words read "flash". "YES" Nathan says "flash Henry". "" ooh it will be fast,, it will be speed lightening"" Our little joke of how we would tell everybody that another baby was on it's way because when you have 4 and you say your going to have another you need something to break the ice. Note to self::: not everyone thinks of children as a blessing, some think of them as money pits. We came back to Kentucky with God still Stirring...Nathan walked in that Tuesday afternoon after work and I told him I was spotting. Bye Wednesday afternoon at my Doctors appointment I had started bleeding heavily. I was having a miscarriage. My heart ached. I have to have my levels checked that day and Friday. The call on Wednesday afternoon confirmed the miscarriage. I go back on Friday and get a call back to come into the ER my levels have gone up. I was not in any sort of physical pain. They thought they might have missed something. Hopes arose. After a visit in the ER no sign of a blessing, the DR wanted to do a D&C. I told him I wanted to go home for the weekend and I would come back on Monday have my levels checked again and confirm them going down. I got to come home and focus on my 4 blessings. I go back on Monday and my levels had slightly rose again. A week had almost passed and they felt I really needed a D&C in order to keep from getting an infection, because of the tissue still in my uterus. I argued like my dad would do with Dr's, however they won. I went in on that Wednesday the 26th for a D&C. That night as Nathan and I bowed our heads before God, shedding tears of sadness, pain, hurt, discouragement. God revealed that although it's life was just a "flash" here on this earth, It has eternity with ME! "flash" HE knew, the ALMIGHTY, POWERFUL God knew 'flash" and the significance of it's name. What was alittle joke to us, was so powerful to the ONE who created it (I hate calling it and it). He knitted it together in my womb, He knows it's name and the number of hairs on it's head. I was never prepared for the emotional side of this, but God already knows that and that is what He wants. He wants my unpreparedness so He can search me to prepare me for my willingness to lean, obey, trust, and have faith in Him in all circumstances. Paul learned this in Philippians he says: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:12-13. My strength has to be through HIM and is of HIM. God is still stirring...and we are praying God what do these things look like to you that you have stamped on our hearts with great detail. Nathan has reminded me several times over the month, that God already has the Victory, satan can try to destroy, but that is all he can do is try, because the VICTORY is recorded and His word is placed in our hearts to cast satans name down. God tells us that, to cast satans name out of your home, your marriage, your children, your family. If God prepared us ahead of time good or bad, our life would be void of trust, obedience, love, forgiveness, and faith. And in the good or in the bad when you desire to seek His face in your life Christ is going to change you!
In Christ Alone,
Sarah